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今回、句会実験に参加された外国人へ、送るための
英訳コメントをご紹介いたします。
"kukai on the Internet 10"
I’m pleased to inform you the result of the "kukai on the Internet
10". If you give me your comment and suggestion on our “kukai”,
I’ll appreciate it. Probably we will be able to have the next “kukai”
about 5~6 months later.
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Ryo Suzuki
[[9 votes]]
crow and cat
watch for a chance―
white camellia
Mykel Board = I love this haiku, because it expresses a direct
observation of two animals. It lets us feel the emotions of the
animal without telling us, or turning them into human-like
projections.
Yuka = I chose this by intuition.
masoumeh= I like its surprising end and images and also the
repetition of "k" sound." crow, cat and camellia.
Harada= I am interested in the contrast between the sharp glance
of the crow and the cat, and the white camellia.
Kuriyama= Surprised! I also came upon the same scene, a crow on
the roof of the car and cat on ground.
Misato=
Jun= This haiku really makes me think. It appears to be a
“duel” between the crow and the cat as to which of the two
can get hold of “something” that both want. The question
is what is that “something”? And this “duel” takes place
in a scenic location populated with white camellia.
Iwamoto= I can imagine the scene―the crow and the cat are
quietly watching for a chance.
Mike Kosiba=
##### This haiku is written by ryo
[[9 votes]]
hand in hand-
reaching the shore
sea waves
Mykel Board = This haiku shows a tenderness without getting
sentimental. That's a very difficult line. The poet stays on the
right side of it.
Hayashi= The writer expresses the scene of the waves surging
against the beach.
Sone= I like the expression of “hand in hand”. I am not bored
by watching the waves coming and going.
Kubodera= Is it a calm sea? “hand in hand” sounds gentle.
Shin Nishimoto= If I were alone at the beach, I would envy the
waves coming in hand in hand.
Misato=
Jun= The haiku is romantically describing the sea waves, like two
people running hand-in-hand, with arms outstretched, towards
the shore. And there they drop down almost simultaneously.
Kihara= I feel the musical sound of the waves. Beautiful haiku―not
trying to be eccentric.
Iwamoto= I feel the throbbing pulse of the scene that waves are
breaking on the shore.
##### This haiku is written by masoumeh
[[9 votes]]
green breeze
runs across
summer rice fields
Gene=
Hayashi= Comfortable breeze blowing across the rice paddies in hot
summer.
Nakayama= This is a moment when we forget the summer heat
because of the “green breeze” and green rice plants. This is
the original scene of Japan, isn’t it?
Akai= I can imagine the rice plants swaying in the winds.
Harada= I imagine a cool rice paddy in the summer.
Shin Nishimoto= “green breeze” – a nice expression. I can
imagine the scene of the rice fields changing every moment.
Numata= I have the scene in my mind―a typical traditional scene
of Japan.
Iwamoto= I don’t feel the heat of summer from this haiku. It
gives me a refreshing impression.
Ian= I can imagine a gentle wind rippling the rice plants in a wide
open space. The work has been done and peace reigns.
##### This haiku is written by Kubodera
[[8 votes]]
quiet street
the stranger's shadow
passing mine
Yuka = I chose this by intuition.
masoumeh= the silence and loneliness
Gene=
Kiyoko Nishimoto=
Jun= This is nearly my daily experience when I go home at night.
With this, I recall the scene in the movie “Peter Pan” where
he encounters his own shadow. Normally, though, the shadow
will always be a “stranger” unless I look back to see projected
that shadow.
ryo= I am charmed by the expression, “the stranger's shadow/
passing mine”.
Ian= This puts me in mind of Longfellow's phrase " Ships that pass
in the night."
Iwamoto= I feel the darkness of night and uneasiness through
“shadow”.
##### This haiku is written by Mykel Board
[[8 votes]]
wordless talk
to me
twig of the grove
masoumeh= intuitive relationship between human being and nature.
Yoshizawa= I choose this haiku verse, hoping I can also accept a
wordless talk someday.
Kubodera= I can be healed by the mysterious power of the grove.
Kiyoko Nishimoto=
Jun= This triggers a picture in my mind of two people who are
romantically involved. Being in its early stage (a “twig”),
the partners in the relationship may sometimes be speechless
either because of shyness, or the emotions are so strong
there is no use for words to express them.
Mike Moran= Reminds me of a solitary walk in the woods
Kihara= This is simple and rhythmical. I feel something stirs
the blood of a child in the rain.
Mike Kosiba=
##### This haiku is written by ryo
[[7 votes]]
summer's sun
slips into the sea
a boat's bell
Sone= From the dazzling noisiness, it moves to the calmness of the
sea after sunset. Is it the gong for a ship entering port? Beautiful
scene.
Nakayama= The red sun seems to slip into the sea. It is the time of
day when the gong sounds crisp.
Akai= The sound of “S” from “summer”, “sun”, “slip” and “sea” is
pleasant. The sun is shining into the sea. In addition, a bell
echoes. Everything shows the broad expanse of the scene.
Numata= I read the haiku and feel it is rhythmical.
Ian= One season ends and the bell seems to signal the start of a new
one.
Mike Moran= Recalls the sinking feeling I get in my stomach
when gazing into a beautiful setting - melancholy in the awe
of nature
ryo= The sea at the sunset and a boat’s bell―a nice atmosphere.
######## This haiku is written by Gene
[[7 votes]]
outlines
of evening
orange
Yuka = I chose this by intuition.
Gene=
Nakayama= The orange color in the evening is calm, and gives me a
gentle feeling. I would like to pray.
Jun= Picturesque view of the evening, and an opportunity to
appreciate the world of creation at one of its finest moments.
With it, the idea that the end of the day, or the end of
anything for that matter, has its own unique inherent beauty
Numata= I think this is rhythmical.
ryo= The writer captures the evening scene very briefly.
Mike Moran= Lovely evocation of the saturated colour of evening
######## This haiku is written by Mike Kosiba
[[4 votes]]
sea waves
etches marks
on the seashore
masoumeh= beautiful image.
Hayashi= Marks etched on the seashore―Their changing and
repetition.
Harada= The writer describes waves very freshly.
Numata= It is briefly described, so I felt the image vividly
the moment I read this.
######## This haiku is written by Jun
[[3 votes]]
shadow
on a spiral
staircase
Nakamura=
Yoshizawa= From the shadow in this haiku, I can imagine various
things. I enjoy this.
ryo= “shadow”―shadow on a spiral staircase!
######## This haiku is written by Mike Kosiba
[[2 votes]]
after the rain-
cherry tree filled with blossoms
and birdsong
Sone= Cherry blossoms are in full bloom after the rain. Birds are
chirping loudly. I enjoy this haiku.
Ian= The shower has refreshed everything. The blossoms are
brighter and the birds can resume what they were doing
before the interruption.
######## This haiku is written by Gene
[[2 votes]]
The magpie came early
Four blackbird chicks vanished
Silence in the bush
Nakayama= Is this the beginning or ending of the story? What
happened in the bush? It’s thrilling and keeps the reader
in suspense.
Misato=
######## This haiku is written by Ian
[[2 votes]]
A shaft of sunlight
Countless specks of dust swirling
Space in microcosm
Yoshizawa= From the expression “A shaft of sunlight”, I feel
something like a warning to the global environment. This
haiku reminds me of something very important around us.
Akai= I sometimes come across a scene like this. I really feel the
microcosm.
######## This haiku is written by Ian
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